Festival of Trees Christmas Tree (repost from Russisms.com)

Repost from Russisms.com original date October 21st 2008:

We found out today that we can go ahead and do the shotgun shell christmas tree!! This will be a tree honoring my dad from the family and friends. Now it sounds weird BUT anyone that knows my mom, KNOWS that she can do great stuff with gingerbread. The last few years she has donated a christmas gingerbread creation to the Festival for auction and been on the news etc.. There have been dragons and wizards, countless houses, castles and cabins-and even a sailing ship. Anyone that knows my dad knows that he likes to collect stuff. When we started cleaning out his "gun" room we found B O X E S of empty shotgun shells that he planned on reloading and reusing. Mom came up with a genious idea a while ago and decided we can cut the shells, and feather out the ends, and put them together to make branches-and eventually a tree. I will be posting pics of this happening as we do it.




The Festival of Trees is held every year around the first week of December. All and I mean ALL of the proceeds go to the Primary Medical Childrens Center here in Salt Lake City. There are tons of things to see and now there is stuff to do-especially for kids. Even Santa comes. There are things to buy, make and eat. What happens is there is an auction that is held early in the week, by invitation only-where people come to buy the trees etc. The trees stay for display and then go home to the people that paid for them. In some cases the trees are also decorated with stuff under the tree. I believe we will be letting people (you guys) know that we plan to do this and would love for anyone and everyone to participate. Tenatively we would need everything from ideas of stuff to go on and under the tree to money or newly purchased things to decorate the tree and put under the tree. We probably could even use some help. The next few days will be some serious finalizing of what we plan to do. We are excited because this is the first time we have done a tree AND there has never been a tree like this!! (At least that's what the Festival of Trees lady says.)



This last few months has been hard on us, our neighbors, friends and family around us. We are hoping that including ourselves and extending the offer to everyone else might help fill a void that some of us are feeling. There is a need to remember and honor-and through the Festival, we also help not only ourselves we help others-especially children. I would love for people to see how much we loved my dad through the time and effort that it took us to create something that he would find so funny and great- that is after he got over being mad about us cutting up all his shotgun shells! I will be letting you all know how and and exactly what there would be to do or donate. I will also be letting you all know the exact times etc of the Festival (there is a link on the webpage that says our tree) so you can take your families and enjoy this awesome event, and enjoy OUR tree. Thanks for reading-check back for more!

Today it's been three months (a repost from Russisms.com)

Original post date was October 16 2008 on Russisms.com:

Today it's been three months since Dad died. It seems like we will forever mark our years with the date and time of his death.Every occasion will be timed up against that day. People say it gets easier. I don't know. It is like loosing your legs-loosing someone who was so crucial and important in your life. Anything was possible, going through the worst things or the best things, if He was here. We learn to adapt. And we go on. Kindness from people who knew and cared about him go on. We appreciate every ounce of it all. Still it is hard to see his things. The last things he touched. With his hands.... To still smell the smell of him on things that he wore. It seems so long until we will meet again. It helps to remember him. To talk about him. To love him still. To be inspired by the things he could do. To think about the words he said and meant. I cry everyday. I miss him so much.

The stupid, fat, lazy cow!

So, we have at least once a year had to battle Glen's ex wife in court. Usually it costs us thousands. Apparently this year is no different except she went about it a little different. They have a standard divorce agreement that allows Glen to claim their child as an exemption on the odd numbered years as long as he is current on child support, which he is current (and we have plenty of proof.) SO the ex goes and files her taxes before Glen, claiming their child for 2009. Last I checked 2009 is an odd numbered year, and Glen was current on his child support and should have been able to claim the child per their divorce agreement. Now we understand that the IRS doesn't practice family law, and apparently we have to have a form filled out and signed by the ex wife releasing the child as her credit. We found out about this a little too late.....  :(
I am hoping there is something we can do. I am calling the attorney asap, poor guy, to see if we have any recourse. I have found that I can't sleep, and dont want to eat, and I am just angry and stressed out to no other. I feel almost as bad as I did the week my dad died. Glen's ex has ruined every holiday, birthday, vacation, important event-including the week my dad died and his funeral, the birth of our baby, regular old weekends etc. etc. If she can she seems to poke her big fat sausage finger in and just mess everything up. She doesnt play by the rules. She doesnt care if she hurts their child or Glen or anyone else. She steals from her work, she lies, she is lazy. She wont go to the child's parent teacher conference. She isnt home to supervise the child. She lets an expensive cell phone (bill-that she shouldnt have since she is "so destitute and cant afford anything") babysit the kid, and has since he was 8 or 9. She calls Glen's first shirt and lies when she doesnt get her way. In 2008 she tried to up and leave with the kid to Alaska without Glen's approval or even hardly knowledge. She talks mean to Glen and to the kid. I have overheard her screaming at both of them, and calling them names. She is filing bankruptcy, but yet just bought a brand new car. She doesnt get kid new clothes, he looks homeless most the time. Their house is a disgusting rat hole with only paths that lead through the garbage, junk, and dirty clothes. The kitchen is piled with stuff and junk on the table and counter tops. She is just a pig. She lets the kid do whatever he wants. She is more concerned with being his friend than a mother. And that's only the tip of the iceburg...I have run out of time to bitch about her.

Still Hurting

Mom says she hangs up pictures of you because she doesnt want to forget you, and I feel that way too, it's just....just so painful for some reason. I waiver between the fear of forgetting and the fear of hurting so bad I can hardly breath. I look at pictures of you and just the thought of your hand on my shoulder just cuts me so deep. The last thing I touched on you was your hand. You didnt feel it. You werent there, well maybe you were there watching us say goodbye, but you didnt feel me. In fact during that moment it was David that was touching me...In fact I think if he hadnt been touching me I would have still tried to climb into the coffin with you. If he hadnt been touching me I would have probably would have just been screaming with frustration and greif. I put a little gold frog under you hand. Do you know that. I remember the last time you touched me with that hand. And I go through all our stuff, the stuff you touched with those hands....and I feel you. I know your work, and your life lives on throught the stuff you touched with your hands.....and I want you to hold me again....I would give almost anything for you to touch me again, with just one hand, one finger. For me to feel some warmth from you. I have empty picture frames ready for pictures of you. Maybe mom is right and I need to put up those pictures of you. I need you to help me know what to do. I need you to help me know what is right. There is nobody like you. And nobody does for me what you do. Some try. And I do love them for it, but none will be my daddy. My dad. In the darkest hours of my life you were there. You said nothing sometimes. But you were there. It was good enought that you were just in the house. In the lightest brightest moments of my life you were there. You always knew I could do it. At least you always let me know that. If you doubted me it was behind closed doors. I felt your disappointment in me but you were never condescending. I know you are busy. Justin says you are taking care of the birds. And maybe I am not supposed to feel you right now, I know maybe I am supposed to be learning something or doing something different right now. And I hope that one day....I will feel you. That we can talk, and I can look in your eyes, and I can say everything I need to say, or hear everything I need to hear. But for now, this moment I am struggling to find peace in it all, and a safe place, and I am wishing that you were here....somewhere working, talking, listening to the radio, driving a truck or a tractor. Somewhere where you were able to pick up the phone, or put your arm around me. I have to go do laundry now, and clean the bathroom, and figure out how to do somethings I would normally ask you how to do. I hope with all my heart you are happy, and that you are here somewhere and it is just not time for me to feel you. I hope soon I can have some peace and that soon I can dream another dream that doesnt involve daddy's leaving their little girls-even be it unwillingly. I miss you. I miss you and I love you.

Pieces

This last week my mom sold the Chevelle. This is a car that my dad bought in high school, let my mom drive when they were dating, brought me home from the hospital in. To my mom, I guess it has some great memories, but for me it has none. I do not remember riding in this car at all. This car has been parked in a field or driveway my whole life-under a tarp. The only thing I do remember is how my dad used to talk about it. He had a manual or a magazine-that one could order car parts out of. He had stuff written down, and circled. He would say, if we asked him what he wanted for christmas or his birthday, that he wanted this (he pointing to something in that book-which was always a few hundred if not thousand dollars....) The emotional part of this car came for me on an evening a few days before my mom sold it. We had no info about this car. Knew almost nothing of its worth now, as it sits, or if it had been in good condition. I jumped on the world wide web and surfed around. I found a plethera of cars, the same make, same model, the same options-as our Chevelle. Only, they were in prisine condition and worth 20, 30, 40, and yes even 50 something GRAND. Yes grand. I had just spent an afternoon crawling around, under and through our car to get pictures. On the web I found a Chevelle that had the same everything. The same seats, door handles, head lights, AC option, everything. The car on the web worth 30 grand. Ours, well, it was rusted, paint faded, neglected. Neglected. And the momentous realization hit me. I could not breath. White hot tears, an epiphany and not in a good way. This car, our Chevelle, was my dad's failure. I realized while he was busy doing all of these other things-the jeeps especially, the Chevelle had been neglected. I didn't understand it. I still do not. For some reason my dad, the person who had been so careful about guns, and little babies, and dogs, had left this car-this car that was valuble out in the weather to rot. I am confused. I know how he spent his time. I do not judge how he spent his time. He did spend plenty of it helping others and being with others that he enjoyed and enjoyed him. But this night I realized how overwhelmed he must have been with his decision to for go this car. To let it wait. AND I also realized how horrible it might have been to have to look at it everyday as he came and went from his house. To know he didnt have the means or the time to fix it up. He was overwhelmed. My heart broke a little bit, for my dad and the Chevelle, and all the other things I believe he really wanted to do but could not. So there are some pieces. And I drove by Big O Tires today, and saw the old Amos Rents (or anus grunts as dad used to say) work truck. It was painted with a nice Big O Tires logo, and for some reason it makes me very happy, and I cry, because for some reason it feels like there are some people who can make those broken pieces of my heart, those broken pieces of my dad, better. My mom sewed new apholstry in that old truck, and Garth has taken it and uses that truck, and has made it nice again. New again, given it a purpose again. And the Chevelle? I felt the same way the night the guys loaded it up on the trailer. It was going to a good home. A nice shop, where someone was going to fix it up, and enjoy it, and hopefully love it. And I hope one day, I get to see that car in all it's glory. And someone will have taken that big piece that was broken and mended it. Made it right. For me, for my dad. He could just not do it all. I understand. Same with the purple jeep. Someone is taking care of that thing, driving it, loving it. And hopefully the same for the race jeep, which is in our storage shed. To me, that was one of the greatest creations my dad had made with his hands, and his time. And this realization of what happened with the Chevelle has only made me realize how glad I am to have that jeep. A trophy of his dreams. Dreams that did come true. And although it is others that are putting together the things that dad could not do, I don't mind. He did so much for us, for others, I hope he doesn't mind that others are finishing his work. I hope that he isn't overwhelmed anymore. That he is finding peace. He had a hard time asking for help here in this life. I hope those guys enjoy the car. I look forward to seeing it one day, that big, dumb, 40 year old, orange piece of my dad that made me cry so hard that night....good luck guys. Huck a few wrenches for Russ...

Spooky Halloweenie Ghosts

Okay, so yesterday I watched Ghost Hunters all afternoon...Something I don't normally do- Just sit and watch tv all day LOL, but it happened. This morning I noticed a few odd goings on in our own house. I had been doing laundry all morning, going down about every hour to change the clothes over. We have a few sacks of stuffed animals in the unfinished/laundry section of our basement. I have been putting stuffed animals in this sack...In fact I had brought down a few and put them in early this am. About 9ish, I noticed three of the animals were out of the sack. I thought the kids had been in playing. I didnt move them. About an hour or so later they were on the floor. Same thing, blew it off thinking the kids had been in messing with stuff. The sacks are pretty close to the door that separate the laundry from the play room, and even if it was dark in the laundry room they might have got in to investigate....At about 11 I went down and two of the animals were in the center of the dark laundry room face down laying on the drain- and unfortunatly dirty now. I realize the cats could have been batting them around, or the kids could have come in and thrown them. But no way would any of the kids go into that dark room alone. The single light in the area is a pull string and none of the kids are tall enough to reach it. So I washed the two animals, put them back on the sack, booby trapped the door, LOL, to see if it is kids or cats moving around and so far, nothing yet. BUT when I just went down there I was sorting the clean laundry into baskets- maybe a little disheartened that the animals had not moved and out of the corner of my eye I saw a large full sized man shadow in that doorway that leads to the toy room. At the same time the cat hissed at the same spot the shadow was, and turned into a puff ball! I walked to the spot about 6 strides and could hear soft moving up the stairs. I thought perhaps it was the cat or the dog. I stuck my head around the corner of the stairs and heard the same soft movements on the floor above me. Now this could be my imagination, and the cats imagination, but our dog and our fat cat do not move "softly" on anything. I am not afraid just a bit unnerved. I commented on my Facebook page about the weird stuff this morning and then remembered last night the dog starred at the same spot in the room for almost an hour last night. No growling or anything, just starred, she would barely take her eyes off the spot and respond to us as we were sitting in the living room watching tv. I think we need one of those magnetic field meter thingies the GH teams use to measure the electromagnetic field in our house to see if that is what is makin us crazy. I didnt recognize the "spirit" so I dont think it was my dad or anyone I knew....got me thinking though.

The HOA

I am pretty dang angry. Wondering if I am out of line here. When we moved into this place Glen and I joined the HOA. I wrote the newsletter, never asked to be reimbursed, Glen has made nice metal signs for the pool yard and parking lot, and we shovelled snow last winter while the HOA went round and round and back and forth about how much to reimburse us. I didn't bitch until they finally settled on an amount and then the president sent an email out about how she didn't really feel comfortable with the amount and the way the board had settled on the price. I was furious, not because of the money. I knew we would get payed and the goal was to save the HOA money but because this woman who had been included in all of the decision making conversations decided to at the last minute put the kai-bosh on us being reimbursed for months- did I say months, yes I meant MONTHS of snow shovelling while the board dilly dallied around. We shovelled for crappy neighbors who would come out, right in front of us and brush the snow off their cars right where we had shovelled. They would come out and yell, not ask, but yell at us for not shovelling their patios or porches- which it was stated to them in newsletters that that was their responsibility. We got yelled at for making too much noise. For ice being in the parking lot. For snow that the snow plow pushed up against cars, that was none of our doing. We shovelled on Christmas Day. We shovelled in between cars and chiseled out ice etc. But most of our neighbors bitched and yelled about how awful the job was being done. We only had one neighbor thank us until.....dun dun dun....I threw a damn fit. We worked so hard last winter shovelling and salting. No one said thanks, the HOA didn't care to decide on an amount to pay us. This was going to be a hard lesson for us to learn though because we have all sorts of problems here in this little community. Our cars got broken into, no one cared- people stand around smoking not only cigarettes but pot only feet away from our car and back door, no one cares. They stand outside till all hours of the night and no one cares. People speed up and down the parking lot driveway-including members of the HOA and they don't do anything. They allow solicitors to approach kids and people in the parking lot, but yet the former president of the HOA told me once she was approached by David Paul Mitchell....you would think these people would care a little more about what counts, drugs, parties, stealing, speeding? NOPE. They get pissed about my damn dog not being on a leash. Yep my little 11 week old puppy that is always in my direct control as I am training her etc. and we get a letter of warning. It seems like to me the board has picked the easiest rules to enforce and to hell with the rest. It seems like to me they only enforce the laws that don't directly affect them- cause of course they need to be able to speed up and down the parking lot. If it's directly affecting them they dont seem to care about others, although they say they care about their neighbors... in fact there was a big to do about someone gettin their car towed and the bleeding hearts came out-for those people. And I realize I didnt directly recall it was rule the dog had to be leashed at all times, just in control, but ignorance is not an excuse to not follow the rules- but you know, when our neighbors had guest down in the pool area that were smoking and drinking we gently and graciously said "hey, if someone sees them down there doing that you will be in trouble." We didnt run to the board and bitch and moan. When there is a huge pile of dog crap right out our front door, a pile that is WAY to big to be our dogs, we dont bitch. OH YA, and when people go speeding up and down the driveway, WE DONT BITCH!! Someone left the pool gate open one night and our two year old (while in MY sight) walked down opened it walked in and went up to the pool and could have been in the pool before I even reached him.....I didnt BITCH! People park in our covered parking, and I bitch about that but I don't call the tow truck, I try to find the owner and get them out of our spot. My point is, if someone found our dog being off the leash SO OFFENSIVE why couldnt they have just said "hey, doesnt she have to be on a leash?" According to the earlier example of the board trying to say hey- lets cut our neighbors some slack and not report every infraction....where were they for us? A little reminder? NOPE. Just a warning letter. Now if the two year old accidently lets her out (which could happen but in reality the dog is pretty well behaved and doesnt go anywhere with out me but hey...) and she doesnt have a leash on- we get fined. If someone has it out for us, which in my opinion they could because of all the other little crappy notes we have recieved about our cat, and our kids- this person could just say the dog is out with out her leash and we get in trouble. I wonder if they are mad we quit? Are they mad we are late in our HOA fee's? Most have never been friendly so are they just assholes in general? My big point of this rant is if they are going to so ANALY enforce dog laws, they should enforce the speeding and loitering laws, they should enforce the smoking laws, and the no damn food and drink in the pool laws. But alas, I dont think it will happen. And I will continue to be angry about how two faced and rotten most of these people seem to be. And I will move knowing I am lying when I say that its a nice place to live when really, if you don't go to church, or if you dont fit into their little niche, if you stand out just a little they will target you, and pick on you, and even though you try to help and fit in it wont matter. It wont matter how nice you try to be, or at how many people you try to smile at or say hi to because they are really just onry, ignorant jerks. Thanks guys for extending us some consideration, a friendly reminder, or in general some common decency to consider "hey, maybe, we, instead of just sending a huge WARNING letter, and making the situation worse, making this place an unbearable place to live, we just remind them to keep the dog on a leash. Same with the cats. We have two cats. We have five kids. Our cats only existence in life is to escape the house. As much as I police the doorways there will - GOD FORBID be a moment when one of them, or both of them get out. I'm sorry. It happens. But seriously, instead of THREATENING me you are just going to start calling the pound, why cant you hop on over, knock on my freakin door and say "hey, the cat is out?????" IS THAT SO HARD TO DO YOU STUPID JERK? Instead of making my life totally miserable, cause I CANT BE P E R F E C T like YOU, and NEVER let my animals out, or always make my kids behave, you just come over and talk to me about it. But no, we live in fear the cats are out, and the pound has been called. It upsets me, it upsets my kids. It is unessicary stress. Now same with the dog. She will always be on a leash....up until an accident happens-and then, I am sure you will be here, waiting and watching ready to turn us in on the slightest infraction....you are an asshole. Thanks a lot. I feel like returning the favor and bitching about every little thing that goes on....I hope you speed. I hope you smoke, and I hope you litter....what goes around comes around. But until then we are working on getting the house up for sale. Thanks for making this experience unbearable.